Thursday, August 16, 2007

I'm just getting over the emotional hurdle of going back to work and I have to worry about earthquakes striking any moment...

So, I've been humming right along looking for jobs on Monster.com and basically networking and telling everyone I know that I am returning to work full-time and looking for a position. It will be interesting to see where the job comes from - whether from a friend of a friend or through my own discovery. For the most part I'm doing OK, but then I take a breath... STOP for a moment, and the tears come. It is a big, big change/decision/fresh start? and even though I'm more ready for it than even I realize, it is painful.

I was fine this morning until I got to my Mommy & Me group at church and announced that I was returning to work full-time. I couldn't even get the sentence out without dissolving in sobs. And then... I was OK. The words were out of my mouth...floating through the air... and then they broke up into tiny little pieces and fell, dissolving in dust upon the carpet - and so my imagination takes me...

Best moment this morning: I realized if I go back to work that I will actually have a lunch break. A break! Maybe 45 minutes to an hour of time just for me! Guilt-free. Well, hopefully I won't be thinking ...my children could be home with me right this minute and instead they are with someone else!

Hey, I could...

meet a friend for lunch!

Do some writing.

Window shop.

Walk somewhere, anywhere without little bodies attached to me.

It was an AHA moment and it was good! And then I picked up a copy of Working World magazine and the headline reads: EARTHQUAKE: If the "Big One" hits while you're at work! And there is a close-up of a woman's terrified face, eyes open wide in horror. Great, just great. I'm just making the emotional hurdle of going back to work and I have to worry about earthquakes striking any moment...while I am away from my children. Any other random fears we can throw up for grabs! I'm grabbin', baby, I'm a grabbin'!


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