Once a woman has children she can't run, & she can't hide!

Now, once a woman has children she can't run,

and she can't hide.

They will be in the picture for virtually every hour

of every day for at least the next two decades.

That means no long hot soaks in the bath,

no unobstructed TV viewing,

and absolutely no chance of an intimate moment

going uninterrupted.

In fact, from that moment on she can barely put her

feet up for a second without hearing distant cries

for attention or the expensive tinkle of a priceless

crystal heirloom being smashed to smithereens

by a rampaging toddler.

Oh yes, the joyful pitter-patter of tiny feet

starts to sound a little more ominous.

And so, for the new mother,

Mondays are incredibly tiring.

Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays, and

Fridays are even worse. And the weekends?

"Don't even ask!"

Every morning a mother wakes up to a new battle.

There's basically no end to the dangerous,

unbelievably bizarre situations that kids can get into.

At times it seems as if a mother's vocabulary is

limited to "Oh my GAWD!"

And "Get down from there this instant!"

Now, while all this is going on, you might be wondering

what it is that fathers actually do. Are they just sitting

around all day twiddling their opposable thumbs?

No, sir! They also grunt and say, "Go ask your mother."

And sometimes they shout, "Damn it, Honey! Can't you

keep these kids quiet? I'm trying to watch the game here!"

To make a mother's job even harder, she has a million

irritating friends and relatives looking over her

shoulder all the time, ready to give advice on the

best way to raise kids today."Look, honey, you

gotta spank naughty kids. Forget what the

books say, you gotta spank 'em real good

or they'll turn out rotten! Why, I got spanked

with a shoe every day of my life until I was

twenty-one and I'm damn grateful for it, too!"

But throughout all of this, a mother never loses sight

of her loving purpose: to walk beside her child through

life's difficult journey, every step of the way.

From "The Incredible Truth About Motherhood" by Bradley Trevor Greive

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