Thursday, April 24, 2008

The FLY Whisperer...

This is a two part story:

Yesterday...


We have a few flies in the house, which is really grossing me out. However, you have to understand that flies are the least of your worries when your husband covers the back yard and the front with organic steer manure. For the greater good of the yard. Well, I could use some greater good inside our house. HONEY DO come in and see the list of my greater good. It seems our idea of the greater good is not the same. Meanwhile, getting around outside without a mask is quite troubling. The stench is remarkable.

So, yesterday I grabbed a newspaper and bludgeoned a fly in front of BOY in the playroom.

I don't LIKE THAT! You are a MEAN MOMMY! We don't kill flies! Now ALL of his FRIENDS will be SAD! --And for emphasis he whacked me on the ass.

Well, BOY...if flies are outside, we leave them alone. But, if they are in mommy's house I KILL them. -- said with a fair amount of satanic killer gleefulness.

And then...

Tonight as we were finishing up dinner, BOY was in the living room tracking down flies. Apparently. He races over:

There's a f*%@# in the house!!

There's a fire in the house?

No, NO, there's a FLY in the house!!!

Oh, a fly.

I have to KILL it! --My son learns quickly from the Satanic Killer of flies.

Why don't you go over there, tell it to lie on its back and wiggle its legs so you can pick it up and take it outside? -- this from E.

BOY ponders this idea very seriously and goes back over to the living room window and whispers:

O.K., FLY, lie down and wiggle your legs.

GIRL giggles and we all are amusingly watching BOY.

BOY continues to whisper things and we see him reach his hand behind the couch, move it around the window in pursuit, and pick up the FLY. The FLY rides on his thumb, as if a pet! while BOY walks towards us. He continues to walk to us, by now he's traveled about 8 feet with a FLY riding on his thumb. Our mouths are hanging open. Just as we are about to keel over, the FLY takes off. Probably saw that BOY was approaching the FLY KILLERS.

The FLY rode on my son's finger. If we hadn't been in the FLY's line of vision, I believe the FLY would have stayed on BOY's finger until BOY freed him outside.

The FLY Whisperer....

Unfortunately for Mr. FLY, his Whisperer is now asleep. Mr. FLY is all ....SWAT....eeewwww....mine.


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24 comments:

Domestically Challenged said...

Fly murderer!

Just joking!
Mine used to be very squeamish, but since we moved to the sticks they have gone to the other end of the scale - and are now utterly bloodthirsty...they've moved on from wasps to a bigger quarry - squirrels!

Good luck with the flies!

beachmom said...

ooooh, I hate the flies too (as well as the ants and the wasps which seem to think our home is their home)! I especially hate those huge ones that we had a year ago ... the ones that seemed to really like the disposal until I started the hourly bleach rinse - I don't recommend it because I had to replace all the rubber gaskets around the drain, but no more flies!

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

I agree with you--it they stay out of my territory, they'll be just fine . . .

Janet said...

That's amazing. I have a cat that can catch flies. She smacks her paws together and the fly drops instantly. She's gotten too lazy to do this anymore however. Yesterday I had to take a giant bumblebee outside. Normally I'm of the Satanic bug killer school as well, but this thing was huge and on the screen and I don't even like to think of the mess. Plus after the bird debacle we'd had earlier in the day, I thought it would be better to not kill anything else. So I put a jar over him, slid a Christmas card over the top and took him outside, buzzing VERY angrily the while, to set him free. I put the jar down, yanked the card off and fled back inside. I think I made an impression, but it may not have been the one I was intending.

liv said...

oh, flies. i hate bugs. and dead things being brought to me by my cat.

Lisa said...

we got a Venus Fly trap to snag those pesky flies--my 'murderous' kids got a kick out of it lol!
Sweet story to remember!

Angie said...

I am a fly whisperer, too. I have been known to sneak up on a group and kill about 5 at a time. Those nasty things are NOT welcome in my house, but I am in humble admiration of BOY's abilities.

KEEP BELIEVING

Jen said...

"Now all his friends will be sad!" - Too funny!
P.S. Thanks for putting your cute self at the beach back up - I missed it too.

anglophilefootballfanatic said...

Oh, my Lord. That is some talent. One, I NEVER want to have. YUCK!

happygeek said...

That is a talent and a half!

Mighty Morphin' Mama said...

The fly whisperer is pretty darn sweet.
My kids are totally into killing flies with our electric fly swatter, they love the sizzle.

barbra said...

Whoa, that is weird!

Tootsie Farklepants said...

All bugs should be familiar with house rules. Enter and die. Ugh. Flies. One thing about warm weather that can suck it.

g said...

Wow! I'm impressed with your BOY!! I, too, have no regrets about swatting bugs that come inside - there's nothing worse than the big bumbing buzzing fly that runs into your lampshades when you're going to bed at night - but how sweet of your boy to "whisper him out"!

We sometimes get extraordinary large moths that we discover in the house in the mornings - they used to fascinate my son. We'd always gently put these outside.

Jason said...

It is amusing that we both have posts about killing flies. I hope you enjoy mine as much as I enjoyed yours:

http://jason-thejasonshow.blogspot.com/2007/09/fly-zone.html

Reluctant Blogger said...

Yeah we have a Venus fly trap too and it works really well.

I am a world class wasp swatter - I once swatted 71 during one lunchtime. We used to throw them into the pond and the fish would eat them. But then the heron ate the fish!

My children are not at all squeamish and are getting pretty good at swatting.

THE MOM BOMB said...

I think you have a budding Buddhist on your hands. Mine were that way until they got stung by wasps -- now all bugs with stingers don't stand a chance.

Kudos to you for organic gardening. We're still trying to find a way to get rid of our bill bugs without dumping poison onto the lawn (and into the well water).

A Mom Two Boys said...

Flies are my nemesis. I. Hate. Them.

Kill away...just make sure BOY isn't watching.

Karen MEG said...

"Fly whisperer" ... that's great!!! What a talent!

I kill them too. Can't say I've met a fly I liked.

MizMell said...

Sounds like a Kodak moment to me!

My hubby is a lot like your Boy-- he releases, rather that swats, whatever finds its way inside. I tend to be a swatter.

Jennifer H said...

Eventually you will have to teach BOY to kill the flies. How else will he become a well-trained husband for someone?

FYI, my husband just catches them and lets them go outside. Which just makes more work for me when they come back in.

BOY makes me laugh. Fly whisperer indeed.

painted maypole said...

we are currently entering lovebug season here in Louisiana, and I wish someone could them into mating elsewhere.

phd in yogurtry said...

what a cute story - I like the way you didn't hesitate to teach your son the simple moral lesson - outdoor fly? a life respected. indoor fly? dead. next question?

HRH said...

Holy organic cow manure. That is amazing.

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