It occurred to me today that if I died tomorrow, and this blog was read by my children at some future date, that they might not know how much fun I've had being their mother and how much I love them. It is so easy to use the blog as a place for venting, yet the craziness and challenge of raising my two children is but a small part of the big picture. It is not the biggest truth.
Perhaps it is unfair to think that GIRL & BOY would even be able to draw conclusions from my words. It may be that they will never realize how much I love them until they, themselves, have children. How can you ever describe or quantify the love that you bear for your children? It really is almost indescribable. Yet, I want them to know how much richness and depth they have brought into my life. That the best thing that I've ever done was to become their mother. That if I died tomorrow I would not regret that I had not yet published a book or a poem, that my body is a bit squooshier than I want it to be, that I've never been to Paris or Venice, that E and I haven't had a vacation together, other than a handful of weekends before BOY & GIRL were born, since our honeymoon more than 12 years ago...
Sure, those are regrets. But, those are regrets over things. No, the only regret would be if they thought my life with them and with their father had been all work. Oh, my children...it has not been all work. I am so honored and proud to be your mom. So lucky! So blessed! Some of it has been work, it's true, but having you as my children has brought me the most divine rapture. I used that word in yesterday's post and there is no better word to describe my feelings for you.
Noun
1. rapture - a state of being carried away by overwhelming emotion; ecstasy, exaltation, raptus, transport
2. rapture - a state of elated bliss, ecstasy, bliss, blissfulness, cloud nine, seventh heaven, walking on air - a state of extreme happiness
Rapture.... doesn't begin to cover it. Doesn't begin to. Not at all. Can't. Impossible. Indescribable...
Noun
1. rapture - a state of being carried away by overwhelming emotion; ecstasy, exaltation, raptus, transport
2. rapture - a state of elated bliss, ecstasy, bliss, blissfulness, cloud nine, seventh heaven, walking on air - a state of extreme happiness
Rapture.... doesn't begin to cover it. Doesn't begin to. Not at all. Can't. Impossible. Indescribable...
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Amen.
ReplyDeleteyes.
ReplyDeletelove that sculpture!
Yes, exactly.
ReplyDeleteWhat a sweet post! And I have the same issue. If my kids ever read my blog they would probably wonder why I was still a SAHM!
ReplyDeleteWhat a lovely thoughtful post.
ReplyDeleteI think if my children read my blog they would probably think I had failed to notice that they even existed. But I don't think they are in any doubt about the way I feel about them as I;m sure yours are not either.
We all need our personal spaces where we can vent or just talk about "us" things. I doubt that they wax lyrical about us to their friends all day!!!
Interesting to see that you have a left-hander in your banner picture.
I am glad you visited my blog as I don't think I would have come upon yours otherwise which would have been a great shame.
I came to tell you I gave you an award for making me sigh...and damn, if you don't do it again!
ReplyDeleteThank you for saying this so eloquently. I need to say the same thing on my blog, but since I won't do it nearly so well, I may just link to you and say, "Hey, kids, what she said? Me, too!" It's Ok, they know me here.
ReplyDeleteWe all go back and forth on our sites, venting and then rejoicing.
ReplyDeleteI love that sculpture too.
So eloquently said. It's easy to forget the blessings they bring. They are lucky to have you, too, you know...
ReplyDeleteyou make me want to write a love letter to mine!
ReplyDeleteLovely post J - and that word is perfect - rapture!
ReplyDeleteHope you are having a good day - see you soon - Kellan
Well done. In my blog I will post, "upon my demise, directives for my children: visit motherscribe. what she said."
ReplyDeleteseriously, its impossible to put into words, as you say, but you have come very close! thanks.
"Until they have children of their own" is so apt. I never knew the depth of feeling until I was a mother. It takes your breath away.
ReplyDeleteI hope they read this. Now excuse me while I go kiss some heads.
ReplyDeleteWhat you said about them not really understanding the love until they have children themselves - I absolutely believe that. It wasn't until I had Dylan that I looked at my mom and realized all she did for me and the love behind it. I am humbled and ashamed that I didn't appreciate her as much as I should have.
ReplyDeleteThis is lovely. As the mother of a tall, hairy, bearded independant 20 year old college sophomore, I have such a sweet nostalgia for the times when he was small enough to sit on my lap....
ReplyDeleteTreasure them now when they're tiny, and watch, amazed, as they become wonderful, smart, intelligent adults!
It's bittersweet, because you admire their ability to go out inthe world, but you realize they they will never sit onyour lap again.
Well said.
ReplyDeletePerfect. Just perfect.
ReplyDeleteit's true. lately, I take a moment to remind myself that I will not always be so important, so loved and needed. It gives me that split second I need to get a second wind.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful sculpture.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful post - thanks for reminding all of us...
I sure hope my kids realize it, too.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful! Perfect!
ReplyDeleteBut, if they read your blog chronologically and read "Appetizer" before they got to this post, they'd probably have said "Eww...Gross, MOM" and not moved on! :0)