Tonight I'm in deep contemplation...
ASSumption...
You know there is nothing more special than a flat ass woman getting a wedgie from her jeans. All day loooong.
And...
Due to being wedgiefied all day and because of the wedgiefication that should not exist at present, I partook of my usual bourbon whiskey - but without the Coke. I had it instead with lime flavored sparkling water. Accompanied by a low carb protein bar for dessert.
So...
Apparently the combination of sparkling water with lime, whiskey and a low carb bar creates gaseous matter. A smell and blast guaranteed to clear the room and rock the foundation of one's abode.
Subsequently...
My stomach is now a cross between a hot air balloon and a whoopee cushion.
Therefore...
I am in some gastrointestinal pain.
Conclusion...
Life is short, albeit sometimes stinky and... I think I shall go back to full carbs and buy bigger pants tomorrow.
Picture Credit:
Dav Pilkey's Captain Underpants and the Wrath of the Wedgie Woman
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Yeah, those low carb bars are MURDER! I've sooo cleared a room. I even had to leave.
ReplyDeletei knew there was a reason i wasn't bothering with all that low-carb stuff.
ReplyDeleteMy sons love those Captain Underpants books.
ReplyDeleteMy stomach looks fine whilst I am standing up but it is a different matter when I sit down. I guess I'll just have to stand.
Don't be so hasty! I think what is called for here is a controlled experiment: whiskey + sparkling water, then whiskey + low-carb bar, and finally sparkling water + low carb bar. Isolate the offender. My money's on the low-carb bar, possibly the sparkling water, but no way is there any indication condemning the bourbon.
ReplyDeleteJeans are just evil. Lately I'm wondering why I have to pull my underwear up every five minutes. I know it's not that my ass got smaller, so I blame the @#$%$ lowrise jeans. Funny post.
ReplyDeleteI love the sheer VARIETY of your posts....I never know what to expect! Keep the bourbon, ditch the jeans! Opt for a nice comfy skirt with slip on shoes....ahh-heavenly. Love the sweet post about boy and girl, too. Do we ever appreciate what we have?
ReplyDeleteGod Bless, EJT
Life is just too short for low-carb.
ReplyDeleteIt must be underwear week! Mrs. G had a post yesterday about uncomfortable SPANX!
ReplyDeletewhat's next? Itchy bras!
Life is too short not to enjoy the full carb! Go for it!
ReplyDelete(Your story made me giggle though--we've all been there :0 )
It was the lowcarb bar. Only beer causes those kinds of gaseous occurrences.
ReplyDeleteYou know, I love the new look of the blog, but I really do miss seeing your smiling face at the beach when I come visit.
Its the protein bars. They are toxic. I've eaten them in the office, in a pinch. Me no feel good at end of day.
ReplyDeleteMeant to add, those sparkling flavored waters are superb drink makers, aren't they? I'm in love with orange flavored.
ReplyDeleteUgh. The dreaded wedgie. I am sorry. Low carb is certainly high gas. I wish you luck in finding new pants.
ReplyDeleteoh my god, i totally thought it was just me. grab a gas mask and come on over....
ReplyDeleteLow-carb my wedgie @ss! Go eat some dark chocolate and a glass of wine. Those are orders! :)
ReplyDeleteHooray for Captain Underpants!
ReplyDeleteDid E offer (beg?) to sleep on the sofa?
ReplyDelete:-)
A bowl of Live Active cereal for lunch and taco soup for dinner did the same thing to me last night!
ReplyDeleteMy husband was not pleased.
Yet ANOTHER reason to NOT go low carb. As if I needed one.
ReplyDeleteOh my. I am on the floor laughing with you. I had that wedgie feeling with the thong I was wearing yesterday. UGH. I am not a fan.
ReplyDelete