Wednesday, April 16, 2008

I will continue to delete your emails with gleeful abandon


Dear Canadian Pharmacy & Zercon Biggerisbetter,

There seems to be some confusion between what you think I need and what is true here at Casa de Motherscribe. You see, I keep getting these emails about anatomical SIZE and VIAGRA. You appear to have me confused with someone else who cares about their PENIS. Now, I have nothing against the PENIS, but it is not part of my anatomy. Of this I am sure.

I WILL say that if you were sending me emails about getting CHILDREN TO SLEEP THROUGH THE NIGHT or VALIUM, that would get my attention. I'd be all over those like a cat in heat. However phrases like: Free your inner inhibitions and let it all out or keep HER satisfied all night long just don't help me at all. At least not this week.

Unfortunately, I suspect there is some poor sod out there sitting at his desk wishing he were receiving these informative missives. I, myself, freed my inner inhibitions some years ago when I also made the titillating discovery that there is nothing so satisfying as a good night's sleep all night long.

I will continue to delete your emails with gleeful abandon.

My best,

Extremely Satisfied and Uninhibited
MEOW


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23 comments:

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

Let me know if you want me to forward any missives about a Nigerian Diplomat with check-cashing problems!

Kalynne Pudner said...

You do realize what kind of google searches are now going to return hits on your blog, don't you?

Angie said...

What about an online education?
Or
Warranty for your automobile?
Or
Health insurance quote

I THink I am on every mailing list in the USA. Luckly, it is my junk mail account.

KEEP BELIEVING

flutter said...

rage against the machine, girl

Jennifer H said...

How about getting children to sleep through the night WITH Valium?

Sign me up.

HRH said...

You can give Valium to children?
I am in.

anglophilefootballfanatic said...

I'm with the other Holly. I would love to get something actually worthwhile via spam. But, my favorites are the ones where they spell Viagra wrong.

Madge said...

now if we could only give valium to the penis. just kidding.

or am i?

phd in yogurtry said...

haha! love it. you handled that so well, such an annoying part of email life.

the point i'd like to add, even if I've slept all day long, I do not want an all-night-long penis experience. ever. spammers obviously haven't learned, "it's not the sword, its the swordsman" and a swordsman worth dueling can get the job done in half an hour (give or take, of course)

happygeek said...

"I, myself, freed my inner inhibitions some years ago when I also made the titillating discovery that there is nothing so satisfying as a good night's sleep all night long."

I'm going to laugh all day at this one!

MamaGeek said...

10 email address changes later, old Mr. Viagra has finally left me alone. Damn pecker.

Tootsie Farklepants said...

I'm very satisfied with the size of my penis.

Domestically Challenged said...

Loved this!
Try a mac account - you won't get any spam!
Hen

phd in yogurtry said...

I've largely beat spam by setting up a separate email account for internet registrations, shopping, etc. I never use my primary email address for those kinds of thing.

it isn't fullproof, tho. occasionally someone uses my primary (to send me greeting cards, etc) and the viagra ads start to trickle in.

g said...

I'm always torn by these emails. Frequently, I want to answer them by telling them how very satisfied I am with the penis that I already have ownership rights to.

OTOH, I'd rather not encourage them.

Mighty Morphin' Mama said...

An ode to spam. LOVE!

Nekked Lizard Lady said...

I get those emails, too. I was beginning to wonder if NLM had been secretly signing me up, in hope of getting something for him.... so maybe getting those emails are just the norm.

A Mom Two Boys said...

Aren't they the worst? I'm with Madge, though, and I'm NOT kidding. :0)

Kellan said...

Yes - if there was as much money and time and energy spent on other important things - like breast cancer cures, etc - as money is spent on these products and the advertising of them ...

Have a good day J - see ya - Kellan

Lisa said...

Agree with domestically challenged--Mac accounts are spam free :)
Off to search for kiddie valium :0

Purple Teacup said...

I give my kids Melatonin. They think it's candy. This might be a problem later.....LOL

{Karla} said...

I wrote a post with a similar theme (on spam) just the other day.
Yours is waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay better.

xo K

Janet said...

When we got DSL we got a new address. The old server was blocking my brother-in-law and letting all the spammers in. By the end we were getting about 25 offers a day for pharmaceuticals, penis enlargement, and rolex watches. So far the spammers haven't discovered the new email yet, but I'm sure it's only a matter of time.

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