Saturday, April 12, 2008

An invitation to naughtiness

What is it about Tequila? An invitation to naughtiness. You're innocently standing there sipping your margarita, and suddenly...it's like you want to throw someone down in the grass and sniff their armpits. What is it? Spring? Pheromones? Is anyone noticing that your lower half is not rated G? It's on fire, but OH WHOOPS... Remember, you are at a birthday party for preschoolers. Oh, YES. Is this fair? Oh, NO. The only quickie you're gonna get is watching your son polish off a cupcake. No other delights for you, LADY. Not at this party. Well, there is the bounce house, but somehow...that is probably not what they had in mind. Too bad. And then... you also remember that you are not that sexy, younger version of yourself that you used to be, THAT younger self that spent all that time beating herself up for not being this, not being THAT. You'd take THAT right now, DAMMIT! You'd take THAT self and raise it 3, perhaps an acrobatic maneuver on the kitchen counter or even on the playroom rug. Train table...no, not exactly stable, and your child's life would never be the same if you took out the Island of Sodor. That younger self had some good rounded curves back then. Shit. What a waste of time. Margarita? No, I think I'll stick to juicy juice, thanks.


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22 comments:

Jennifer H said...

Clearly, I need to drink more tequila.

Lucky E. ;-)

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

What Jennifer said. Or maybe I'm not drinking the right brand?

painted maypole said...

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

;)

Kalynne Pudner said...

Margaritas at a preschool birthday party? So everything I've heard about LA is true!

And btw, JKC, I've had plenty of tequila in my day, and never a reaction like that. I think it's you.

Kalynne Pudner said...

Er, I mean, JCK. Blame the tequila.

flutter said...

all tequila invites me to do is puke

Jen said...

I can honestly say I never wanted to throw someone down and sniff their armpits. Guess I am not quite as wild as you. You crack me up, thinking these things at a kids birthday party. Were you wearing your sexy red boots?
P.S. I saw a quote and thought of you yesterday..
"A balanced diet is chocolate in BOTH hands".

Lisa said...

I need to move--I am lucky if kids' birthday parties around here have bottled water!

A Mom Two Boys said...

Okay, wait. I have to amend my comment on your last post...

THIS is my kinda party!

Little story: We had Dylan's party a few weeks ago with loads of alcohol. Last weekend we went to another party for some new friends and the mom looked at me and said "OH! I forgot to tell you it was "BYOB"! Will you guys be okay without liquor?" Aah! What kind of image have I created?!

A Mom Two Boys said...

Oh, and I'm pretty sure that Sir Topham Hatt & Alicia Botti have something going on on the side...poor, poor Mrs. Hatt.

So, I'm sure Sodor sees it's fair share of "stuff"

Domestically Challenged said...

Hahahaha!
Drink does make you kid yourself about ALL sorts of things!

I've never tried Tequila - but a couple of gins would have the same effect!

Tootsie Farklepants said...

That's when you set the kiddies up with cake and make good use of the empty bounce house.

Manic Mommy said...

RC's party is in two weeks - a home party, so we can drink. I was going to go with Sangria but now you've got me all hot and bothered for a margarita...on the rocks...with salt.

I hear ya, baby.

Angie said...

Wow. You need to make sure there is no chocolate at this margarita preschool party. Chocolate orgasms and uncontrollable tequila induced urges could put some preschoolers in therapy for a long time for what they would soon witness.

KEEP BELIEVING

MamaGeek said...

Hilarious. I SO need to move to LA.

g said...

why am I thinking you're thinking of Sagebrush Cantina? Was it the ncie but earnest waiter?

Seriously, this it totally funny! I sympathize perfectly! There is a person I come into contact with at work every....oh, month or so....and by now my coworkers have a glint in their eye whenever they know he's coming over to our office.

I would NEVER act on such an impluse....but it sure is fun to dream.

Kellan said...

Tequilla just makes me think I'm funny, when I'm not really funny and then I turn ridicuously stupid. I need to find out the brand of Tequilla you are drinking - FOR SURE!!!

Hope you had a good weekend J - see you soon - Kellan

Mary Alice said...

snort. Some of the mothers in my neighborhood had too much
ta-kill-ya once, and all had a grand time jumping in the boouncy castle after the kids were sent to bed. Jose does some crazy things.

liv said...

patron.....mmmmm......

phd in yogurtry said...

I definately agree about the wasted years .. inhabiting a fine, toned body yet inhibited by delusions of cellulite.

The scary thing? We'll be looking back from our rocking chairs one day thinking how we should have appreciated our sagging, graying middle aged selves better.

HRH said...

I am thinking you might need a chaperone. Or you are just attending much better parties...

Purple Teacup said...

I take it you're a fan of Mary Catherine Gallagher.....

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