Saturday, December 29, 2007

Nothing worse for a woman than feeling fat AND hairy

I've had an important, earth shaking epiphany... and I say that there is nothing, nothing worse for a woman than feeling fat AND hairy. One is not a good feeling. Two is just plain let's go into the kitchen and eat a bunch of chocolate. Oh, can't do THAT. That makes me fatTER. The hairy part is just plain ...well, truth be told I think my legs are too tired and heavy to be lifted up, balanced on the shower stall wall and take a razor to....cut down the wild forest of BeLOVEzhskaya, and believe you me - LOVE has nothing to do with it. In fact, this is all a bit much for me to handle today. I think I'm going to go lie down, contemplate the upcoming New Year and airlift my Sequoia trunks up on a pillow. Maybe I could retrain my mind to think of them as a national treasure.


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15 comments:

  1. I'm thinking you need a nap and some Nair...and a cabana boy to spread it on and wipe it off. Sound good?

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  2. I think a nap, some nair, a cabana boy, and a fruity drink.

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  3. A national treasure - ACK!! That is pretty darned tired - get some rest. See you soon. Kellan

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  4. Aw Crap! I got everyone who read my last post self obsessing, didn't I? Okay, now repeat after me.."I am young and beautiful and everyone wants me". And, hey, a fruity drink never hurt anyone, either.

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  5. Honey, you will feel better if you go de-Lassie-fy yourself ASAP. I swear. Have a diet coke and bourbon--carb free and calming.

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  6. heh. loved this, as i'm overdue for shaving as well...

    meh. it's winter.

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  7. Up here, we leave the hair on as long as possible, it's added warmth:)

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  8. Mrs. G - I like your cabana boy way of thinking.

    Professor J - a drink! a drink!

    Kellan - I feel better since I've read all of your posts.

    Jen - Damn you! Just kidding. ;)

    Liv - SO true. So true. Feel better already! Can't do the diet coke, but I'm all over the low carbs after this season.

    SM - I do get a bit lazy in the cooler months when I know I'm not going to the beach or flashing bare legs.

    Happy Geek - I KNEW I liked you for your Canadian sensibilities!

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  9. I think you are on to something here!

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  10. Awesome! That is some growth! Truly, you are so beautiful and NOT FAT so feel free to sloth around a bit, but I'll be here to remind you that it's all in the head! However, I so know how it feels to have the constant hint of butter on your lips from all the Christmas cookies eaten. Sigh. I'm on to broccoli tomorrow.

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  11. Hi JCK, it's me (WFM), I just changed my profile name. I hope you and your fam had an awesome Christmas.

    I so couldn't agree more with you on this post. Yet nair scares me (TO DEATH). Perhaps, fat, hairy and hungry might be just a bit worse.... :)

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  12. Love the photo. And know the feeling. This too shall pass! :-)

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  13. Some days are just like that. Leave the kids with the hub. Go to a salon and have them blow your hair out (yeah on your head) Sleek and bouncy, a big pick me up. Buy a new lipstick and sunglasses...all will be right with the world and you can hide the rest under jeans and a great black Tee. Tres Chic even if you are sasquach under it all :-)

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  14. The national treasure look is IN! (Somewhere)

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  15. Don't forget pasty. Fat, hairy, and pasty white. I got the caspar-like skin tone from Mom's side, and the brown hair from Daddy's side. Not a good combination. But you know, I stop shaving when I put the shorts away for the winter. And the diet starts as soon as the Christmas cookies are gone. signed, the countess formerly known as Janet

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